How do you change someone’s mind? Truthfully, it’s not easy. I’d even go so far as to say it’s not possible.
That’s because you can’t force someone to change their mind—only they can do that.
I remember an early meeting in my career when I was absolutely convinced I’d nailed it. I came armed with stats, evidence, and social proof. I thought I had “won” the decision before the conversation even ended. But instead of persuading them, my efforts seemed to strengthen their resistance. Every fact I presented only made them dig deeper into their original belief.
I had tried too hard.
Persuasion is a subtle art—like makeup. It’s often most effective when you don’t realise it’s there.
When beliefs are rooted in emotion, it’s rarely the argument itself that changes minds. It’s the way the argument is delivered. The art of convincing someone often boils down to emotions, not logic.
Even in business, decisions are heavily influenced by emotion. Customers begin their buying journey with a feeling—a need to solve a problem or meet a desire. Facts and data come later to justify the decision they already want to make.
So how do you encourage someone to change their mind? Here’s an approach that works:
- Lead with emotion. Start the conversation by connecting on an emotional level.
- Paraphrase their viewpoint to show you understand and empathise.
- Highlight points of agreement to create a sense of shared perspective.
- Admit your own uncertainty where appropriate—it builds trust and makes it okay for them to be uncertain too.
- Help them explore their own doubts.
Encourage them to elaborate on their beliefs and ask thoughtful, genuine questions. “Can you explain what makes you feel that way?” or “What examples come to mind?” can open the door. This process often reveals gaps or inconsistencies they hadn’t considered before. - Create space for new ideas.
As doubt begins to surface, their certainty decreases, leaving room for them to entertain other possibilities. - Introduce evidence only when the time is right.
Once the emotional groundwork is laid, you can present stats, evidence, and social proof—but sparingly. These should support their growing openness, not overwhelm it.
The key isn’t to argue harder; it’s to help someone arrive at their own conclusion.
Here’s a revealing question to try the next time you’re debating: “What proof would it take to change your mind?” If they can’t answer, it might be a sign that persuasion isn’t possible just yet.
Prepare to move,
Trevor
