Navigating Trust, Betrayal, and Resilience in Leadership → NorthCo

Navigating Trust, Betrayal, and Resilience in Leadership

Starting with Empathy: “What’s on Your Mind?”

Leadership often begins with empathy. When coaching, I always open with the question, “So, what’s on your mind?” This simple question sets the stage for open dialogue and helps clients explore their challenges. Recently, during a coaching session, one of my clients, James, who runs a professional services business with a turnover of £2 million, shared a deeply personal and troubling situation. He explained that he was being taken to an industrial tribunal by an employee he had supported more than any other team member. The employee had not only named him personally in the claim but was also attempting to sue him personally for alleged misconduct.

James was devastated. He had mentored this employee, taking her under his wing and treating her with exceptional care. He even shared text messages from her, where she expressed gratitude, stating he was the only boss who had treated her with respect and inclusivity. Yet now, she was accusing him of being a bully, discriminatory, and prejudiced—the very opposite of what he stood for. When I asked James if he had documented any of these positive interactions in the form of performance reviews, he admitted he hadn’t. This lack of documentation meant he had no concrete evidence to back up his support for the employee, leaving him vulnerable in the dispute. This betrayal had shaken him to the core, to the point where he considered closing his business.

This guide explores the complex emotions leaders face when trust is broken and how to navigate such situations with clarity and resilience.

The Devastation of Betrayal

Being taken to an industrial tribunal by someone you’ve supported, mentored, and even protected can be one of the most emotionally jarring experiences a leader endures. It feels deeply personal because leadership is personal. You’ve likely invested your time, energy, and perhaps even your heart into building a team and a business that feels like a family. But when an employee, particularly one you’ve gone out of your way to support, turns against you, it shakes the very foundation of that trust.

Let’s address some critical truths:

It’s Not a Family Many leaders, especially those who build businesses from the ground up, foster a culture that feels like family. However, businesses are not families; they are professional entities. Employees may form bonds, but their motivations are influenced by a wide range of personal and professional factors that may conflict with yours. Recognising this distinction is key to setting boundaries that protect you and the business.
Human Motivation and Survival Instincts People act in self-interest, particularly when they feel cornered or vulnerable. Understanding the psychology of human motivation can provide valuable insight into why employees may act against their perceived benefactors.
- The Reptilian Brain and Fight-or-Flight: At the core of human behaviour lies the reptilian brain, which governs survival instincts. When people feel threatened—financially, emotionally, or professionally—this part of the brain triggers the fight-or-flight response. In a workplace context, this can manifest as aggression (fight) or disengagement (flight). Even loyal employees may react defensively when their survival seems at stake.
- Perception Over Reality: The fight-or-flight response is often triggered by perception, not reality. An employee may interpret constructive feedback as a personal attack or a challenging situation as an existential threat, leading to actions that seem disproportionate or unjust.
- Social Influence and Justification: The human brain also seeks social validation for decisions. External influences, such as advice from friends or legal representatives, can embolden employees to take adversarial actions they might otherwise avoid. Justifying their behaviour becomes a way to reconcile actions with their sense of self.
Why Allegiances Shift Employees can suddenly turn aggressive due to external influences, misunderstandings, or misinterpretations of actions and intentions. Legal action, for example, might not always stem from malice. It could be prompted by financial stress, the advice of others, or even a misalignment of expectations.

Understanding these dynamics doesn’t excuse negative behaviour but helps frame it within the broader context of human motivation and psychology. This perspective can equip leaders to respond with greater resilience and less emotional reactivity.

What Do HR Always Tell You?

As a professional leader, it goes without saying that performance improvement is a large part of your role. This is not just about satisfying HR requirements but about effectively leading your team. By taking performance management seriously and changing your mindset from seeing HR as a bureaucratic necessity to viewing it as a performance-enhancing function, you can transform HR into a force multiplier for your business.

HR professionals consistently stress the importance of proper processes for managing employee performance. We know we should follow these processes, but often HR systems can feel cumbersome and disconnected from business priorities. My processes, however, are specifically and directly linked to business goals. Here’s what effective HR practices look like:

Start with a Sound Role Profile Clearly outline the expectations of the job. A comprehensive role profile provides a foundation for performance management and helps employees understand their responsibilities and goals. I also link role profiles directly to the company’s mission to ensure alignment between individual contributions and organisational objectives.
Set Clear Values and Behaviours Define the core values and behaviours expected within the organisation. These are not just theoretical concepts—they can and should be measured. During performance reviews, assess how well employees align with these values and behaviours, and provide specific feedback. This process reinforces their importance and ensures accountability.
Regular Structured Performance ReviewsRegular Structured Performance Reviews. Conduct regular reviews using the role profile, values, and behaviours as benchmarks. These structured conversations ensure employees understand how they are performing and where they can improve. Have you recently reviewed your performance review processes? If not, what steps could you take to make them more effective?
Document Interactions and Feedback Using a reliable recording tool like Plaud can help capture and organise key conversations and feedback, ensuring clarity and transparency.
Be Transparent and Professional Approach all feedback and performance discussions with professionalism and clarity. Document each step of the process, from initial discussions to follow-ups and action plans.

By following these practices, you not only enhance individual and team performance but also build a robust file of evidence that could be crucial if disputes arise. This documentation is not just good HR practice; it’s the right thing to do for your business. Clear expectations and accountability improve operational efficiency and create a culture of trust and fairness.

The Legal Landscape: Can an Employee Sue You Personally?

In the UK, most employment disputes target the company rather than the individual employer. However, under certain circumstances, personal liability may arise. For instance:

Discrimination Claims If an employee alleges direct discrimination (e.g., based on race, gender, sexuality), they might attempt to hold you personally accountable. While your business—as the employer—is typically the primary respondent, personal claims are not unheard of.
Evidence and Context Having clear evidence, such as the supportive text messages you’ve received, will be critical. Ensure that all interactions and decisions are well-documented. Even with such records, it’s essential to rely on professional legal advice to ensure that your defence is robust.
Legal and Emotional Preparation Engage with employment law specialists early in the process. Knowing your rights and responsibilities is crucial, but equally, focus on protecting your emotional wellbeing during what can be a draining ordeal.

How to Regain Trust and Confidence

The emotional fallout from such events can lead to a loss of faith in employees and even in yourself. However, as a leader, your ability to rise above personal setbacks is critical.

Separate Emotion from Logic Recognise that the hurt you feel is valid but cannot dictate your decisions. If you close your business out of despair, you not only lose what you’ve built but also your chance to redefine its future.
Seek Trusted Counsel Surround yourself with advisors and mentors who can offer an external perspective. Peer support groups, such as Duratus, can be invaluable in providing insight, empathy, and practical advice from those who’ve faced similar challenges.
Reframe the Narrative Instead of viewing this as an irreparable breach of trust, consider it an opportunity to reassess your leadership style, workplace culture, and personal boundaries. Ask yourself:
- Are there systems in place to address grievances before they escalate?
- How can you maintain professionalism while fostering a supportive environment?
- Have you set clear expectations for employee behaviour and accountability?
Focus on the Team’s Future Remember that one negative experience doesn’t define your entire workforce. Rebuilding trust takes time, but it starts with transparency and clear communication with your remaining team.
Conduct an Internal Audit Use this situation as an opportunity to review your performance management processes, role profiles, and cultural alignment. Proactively identify gaps and implement changes to strengthen the organisation for the future.
Look Beyond the Crisis Reflect on how this experience can inform and strengthen your leadership. Use it as a chance to refine your approach, reinforce your values, and foster a more resilient organisational culture.

Final Thoughts: Building Resilience in Leadership

Leaders carry a heavy emotional burden, and betrayal can amplify feelings of doubt and isolation. However, moments like these are pivotal in shaping your leadership journey. Resilience doesn’t mean ignoring the pain—it means acknowledging it, learning from it, and using it as a foundation for growth.

Your business isn’t a family, but it is a professional ecosystem that you’ve nurtured. Protect it with the same diligence you’ve shown to your team, and remember that setbacks, while painful, often lead to reinvention and renewed purpose. Ultimately, leadership is about balance: understanding human nature, setting boundaries, and maintaining your vision through adversity.

Navigating Trust, Betrayal, and Resilience in Leadership